I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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