so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
