I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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