Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
