I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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