i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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