im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
