I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so let's talk penis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
