At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
