my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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