Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
