You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you traded sex for a burrito?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
