I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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