First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
