Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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