And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
