when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
zippers are such a cool invention
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
