Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
