I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
