what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
