I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
