didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm eating all of the evidence.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
