dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
worst night to have a conscience
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
