My first STD was from a foam party
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
