sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
