yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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