Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
