Buhtt sex?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
