i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
