awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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