just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
