Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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