Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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