you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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