Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
