k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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