Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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