No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
