If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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