drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize