We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
