U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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