Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
