Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am naked and annoyed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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