508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
