I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
