he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
