ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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