Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
