There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
