I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think your dad took our porno
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
