Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
